All I’m saying is..

If you’ve ever felt at loss, find comfort in the laughter of your friends.

If you still feel that ache in your chest, go have a heart to heart conversation with somebody you don’t usually converse with.

If you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, take a minute to pray and give it all to God.

If seeing a photograph, hearing a song, or catching a movie makes you cry because you end up remembering someone, enjoy the instance, cry it out.

If your eyes won’t let out any more tears, don’t worry. You’re perfectly fine.

If coping seems overwhelming, take it one day at a time.

& if for some reason you’re asking why I suddenly have answers to your “what to do’s”, it’s because of the fact that you were brought into this world to live, to feel.

I felt all that & more for the past few weeks. I guess I’ve settled for the comfort of being “deathly allergic” to any form of depression. I would brush all nagging thoughts & gut wrenching feelings aside, always convincing myself that I was not the type to cry over things easily. I was wrong. It’s because when you love someone, you don’t grow impassive or indifferent toward them. I know the pain of not knowing where to go from wherever you’re caught in. It’s like walking through the void of unfamiliarity. It feels so cold & despite being surrounded by so many people, you still feel like the loneliest person in the world. That sounds a bit extreme, but everybody feels that way at some point in their lives. After all, your happiness isn’t entirely up to you. If that were the case, then what would the purpose of the people around you be? It’s even more acceptable that our mistakes are more often entirely our faults & not of those around us. Who decides? People do not decide for each other. People decide to sacrifice & risk for each other, but are never given the ability to force things upon each other & live freely. That just cannot happen. & I had to learn the hard way. Now I feel like I don’t know if I’ll ever really reach a decision. & perhaps, I shouldn’t mull over it & let things fall into place. But where will that get me in the meantime? A brooding wanderer constantly questioning things? I don’t wish to be like the others who leave their fate entirely to destiny & all those other things movies teach you. But I don’t want to make impulsive decisions & end up regretting them. I do, however, desire clarity. More than anything.

& when I get that wish, I hope I have the strength to handle what comes my way. I feel paranoid about having things happen the same way again.

Sooner or later, things will fall into place.

& like the ever optimist with her heart on her sleeve, this is where I’ll still be.