This year has been full of surprises. Good ones, not so good ones, & downright bad ones. I won’t write to complain, because as cliche as it may sound - I have learned immensely from all that happened. I’d like to think that I did a lot of growing up. I may not be as mature & level-headed as other people, but I somehow allowed my heart to be put in the right place by God. Gone are the selfish thoughts, the me-only attitude - in it’s place stands the others-before-myself perspective.

When you love your family more than any material object in this world, more than yourself, more than anybody else (except my Creator), you realize you want to dedicate your hours, & your efforts, into taking care of them. I don’t have as much consciousness about my image, much less what society thinks of me. I just let all comments pass & I go right back to exerting effort in order to contribute something in our home, in order to ease the stress of my family, in order to see them happy, healthy. You won’t believe how good I felt the day I went home with my first paycheck. You won’t believe the thrill I got when I went home with groceries, when I contributed for the bills, when I handed some over. It’s nothing like I’ve ever known before … It’s priceless. It’s seeing the smile on mom’s face. It’s enjoying the laughter, the hugs.

I had less time to spend with my friends. I’ve gotten messages stating they miss me, how it’s been awhile since I hung out with them. I miss them. I miss them a lot. But these friends, they understand. They understand how I shifted my focus, how I adjusted my priorities. I still have them - & that is, after all, one comforting thought. Enough to make up for missed sessions, news I haven’t caught up on, updates I failed to witness. It’s not something to render me ostracized, on the contrary, it made me feel more loved. Constant reminders of how badly they miss me, text messages at random times asking how I am, & again saying how different it feels for them knowing I won’t be around as much.

Sometimes when one door closes, a window isn’t the only thing that opens. Opportunities come knocking on back doors, blessings pour in through double doors. No matter how devastated I once was, I now live with the comfort & knowledge that I have everything I could possibly want, & need, to make it through such an imperfect world.

It’s been a rough but exciting ride, this whole year. There were moments I’d break down & cry at the pressure of it all. There were instances wherein I’d be mad at the world. I was angry, I was hurt. I was tired, I was lonely. But I emerged wiser, if I may say so myself. I don’t know it all, I never will. What, with all these constant changes & the unexpected. However, I’m surviving. I’m learning, I’m growing. It’s the strength to prepare for those worse days - it’s the determination that I can make it.

I’ve neglected a lot, I’ve missed a lot. But I wouldn’t look past the fact that I laughed a lot, shared a lot. I met a lot of good people - people to learn from, people to influence myself positively. Reality may bite, but it’s the bite that keeps my feet planted firmly on the ground & my head on my shoulders.

The girl that used to thrive on clothes, parties, liquor … Well, she’s not the same girl anymore. Her love for life & fondness for fun is still there, but she’s gotten back on track & has found better things to do with her time & energy. The wildness simmered down & the level of carelessness dropped immensely.

Now, she’s happy.
Happy & grateful.

It was fun while it lasted, 2011 …
but it’s time for your curtains to close.

Hello, 2012 …
Let’s rock. :)