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Dedication

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Swayed by sweet words, whisked away by whispers. Rocked by that familiar song, & an even more familiar touch. A downfall, a drug, a weakness.

It’s like liquor. Sitting in a glass, stared at intently. Held gingerly toward one’s mouth, slowly brought closer. As it’s rim touches my lips, I take a cautious sip. The warmth, the strength, it slides down my throat. A burning sensation, that delights me. Another sip, another encounter with pleasure. I pace myself, as I sit back, & take in an ambiance so beautiful that I can’t help but bask in the moment. Certainly making room for more. Another sip, more carelessly this time. A glass or more, & I’ve figured it out - there is something magnetic, undeniably addictive.

Like a broken record.

I am drawn to this set up. It excites me, confuses me, invites me.

I’m treading on rocky territory once more. This is, as hard as it is for me to admit, danger zone. I myself cannot fathom how stubborn I am; how persistent this is, & why the hell I always end up giving in. What is it? Why? All questions just end up falling into a void of nothingness. No answers, just musings - endless ones.

I don’t want to end up drowning in regret, but I wouldn’t want to be like those people who live the saying “You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” Does that make sense? Or is it as maddening as I think it is? Sometimes I wish certain things never took place. Certain people should never have came into my life in the first place. Then I’d be calm, content. However, these things, they happen for reasons we may not always (or never) fully understand. Things we learn from, rise above, look back on.

I’m hoping this is just “one of those days” wherein I’m letting nostalgic thoughts get to the best of me. However, if this isn’t, then all I can do is to perhaps cross my fingers & hope once more for some clarity. Just a little, just to get by.

I want to point fingers. Blame. Is it a song? A person? A word, an action? Whatever it is that rendered me so clueless - I want to know.

Will it be alright?

Or will I be secretly content with the entirety of the puzzle unsolved?