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Persistence

“Sleep,” she whispered, as she closed her hand around his. “I’ll watch the moon, the stars, I’ll watch over you.” He regarded her with his sad, brown eyes. “I don’t know why you’re doing this,” he spoke slowly. “I don’t deserve what I can’t give back.”

She concealed the hurt that struck her as he spoke those words. She knew. She knew full well it would always be a sad story of what might have been, had luck not betrayed her. “You don’t have to say it,” she said softly, the faintest trace of a smile on her lips. “Someone once told me that if I cared with everything I had,” she continued as he began to drift off to sleep, “it would not matter if I received anything in return.”

He sighed in contentment at his encounter with slumber, barely hearing her words. Nobody looked at him the way she did. From the beginning, she was well aware that time was not on her side. Fate did not recognize her situation, & did not provide her tokens of aid.

“Good night,” he mumbled, turning his back on her to face the open window. As he did, his grip on her fingers loosened, & he let go.

“Sleep,” she stared up at the sky, eyes fighting back tears, “when you wake, I’ll still be here.”

Because all she could do now was accept defeat & let him be.

Still, she did not leave.

“You don’t have to.” She looked at him in surprise, thinking that he was fast asleep all along. He turned toward her, & she forced a smile. Those eyes, God they were so beautiful. Subdued, yet magnetic. She could only torture herself with thoughts of how nice it must be if any time, she would be permitted to look into those eyes.

“Don’t have to what?” she answered calmly.

“You must have things to take care of. Better things to do, than … Stay.” His voice was sleepy, but his actions showed awkwardness. He toyed with the now raveling thread on the pillow he held.

“No, I don’t.” It was a simple answer. She couldn’t think of anything else to respond with.

He smiled faintly, & snuggled down the covers, ready to go to sleep once more. She forced one last smile before he closed his eyes.

“I don’t have anything else. There simply isn’t anything I would rather do than stay … Stay with you,” she thought sadly.

She leaned back & shut her eyes, & the tears began to trickle down her face.

He never wanted her.
He never needed her.
He appreciated her, yes, but that was it.

& she knew that wouldn’t be enough.