The night sky doesn’t look the same anymore. The vast navy used to have so many stars scattered across it.

Looking back, I remember how I used to head out just to stare up at the sky, the moon, the stars … I would spend a long time admiring the beauty of it all. Never mind that I’d always be lost in thought. Just the mere fact that I’d be alone with the night sky was fine with me. I would be perfectly content in my solitude. Just a cigarette for contentment, & perhaps occasional thoughts of you. It was the type of cold that did not render me lonely. It was the comforting, nostalgic kind. It was the cold that I felt thinking of you & all that you are. The stars - they were so magnificent … Constellations formed all above me, with the moon in it’s subdued state. I was such a dreamer … More than I am now. I was always wondering, always daydreaming, always contemplating. I would write. In my head I’d construct poetry. I would suddenly begin feeling inspired. Only in the simplest moments would I feel most myself.

I haven’t done that in quite awhile. Perhaps because, I could barely see any stars above anymore. Or maybe because I’d gotten so caught up with the reality of my life now, because I have routines to follow. Perhaps I just didn’t want to feel anything anymore. I don’t wish for the cold, but once more it’s here.

I miss the dim moonlight. The countless stars that would bring me such feelings. I miss the silence …

I miss the way I would always write in secrecy about you, about how terribly confused yet blissfully lost I was, then. Even now …

I miss so much.
When things used to be so beautiful.