Whenever I wake up to silence & begin my day slowly, I cannot fathom once more why my thoughts betray me. With every ounce of resilience I push them away & busy myself, hoping that this is the “someday” I’ve been anticipating - the “someday I’ll be renewed & impassive”; finally. But, sadly, no. Because if it’s not yet time, no amount of insistence can change it - no matter how badly I wish for it. That familiar song that takes me back, the in-between of hours … It all pulls me inside oblivion. How, I wonder, can one soul hold so much? How it can contain so many emotions, how it can resist all the incessant tugs …

Every waking moment, I feel normal. A routine is followed. There is a pattern. But within that pattern is restlessness. Within the walls I have built are secrets. Scripts that flow freely, words endless. A person can only take so much.